Housekeeping
April 18, 2010
Links are always posted for stories because I believe in primary source documents but don’t feel like citing everything in A. Author, 2009, “Headline filled with more puns than jelly in a doughnut”. Some Rag 29 April A4. Or however one might actually parse that out.
So, anyway, the hyperlinks are cleverly highlighted in a delicate dove gray, as opposed to the dusty pewter color of the original typeface.
In other news, getting updates on the travel system from “Lord Adonis” has been one of the routine highlights of the last four times spent battling woes. Lord. Adonis. Adonis.
That is all.
The real world
January 15, 2010
It may be the biggest media mobilization since Katrina (outside of military zones, which is kind of a big deal), but I’m not sure people actually care:
Top articles at newspapers, one American, two Brit.
To be here is not like being at home. One of the priests from a church we have worshipped at is missing, learned from several articles [edit: Good news! He was found!]; here, no one has brought up Haiti. Still above the fold, as it were, but the media is more frantic in our grief and fear and anger than on this side of the ocean.
I’m not trying to turn this into disaster porn, as so many of the news sites seem to have succumbed to. It’s just one of those cliched evenings where the distance seems impossibly long. I don’t know what I would do if D.C. fell apart. In 2003, we watched as D.C. flooded from Hurricane Isabel from three thousand plus miles away, and that was cosmetic in every extent compared to this.
In other words: damnation this country lacks hugs. And Haiti lacks everything. There’s nothing else to say.
A moment of silence
January 13, 2010
I was going to post something like OH NO A CENTIMETER OF SLUSH HAS FALLEN WOE- is….me….and then, when I was laughing into a mug of tea, I read the news reports on Haiti, and the devastation caused by the earthquake. Disaster is not hyperbole. Estimates of fatalities range from thousands to a hundred thousand plus; nearly all urban infrastructure- electricity, water, government, security- near Port au Prince has been disrupted or destroyed. You know, in case somehow you’ve missed that news, which I suppose is silly, but honestly, after seeing the photographs: I am still in shock. This link right here, which I will post in full, http://voices.washingtonpost.com/livecoverage/2010/01/haiti_earthquake_how_to_help.html?hpid=topnews, is a current listing of organizations assembling rescue and response teams. I suspect that Oxfam will have further information for this side of the ocean.
So, anyway: a prayer, a moment of silence, blood and time and money- I’m pretty sure Haiti can use whatever you’ve got to spare.
Except for you, Pat Robertson. You speak nothing but hate, and there is no reason in it.
Front page, above the fold
December 30, 2009
M11 closed after 82 pigs escape on to motorway
An Essex Police spokesman said about 50 of the animals, which each weigh about 20st, are still trapped in the wreckage which is blocking two lanes. The runaway pigs are now grazing on the embankment.
Bring on the emergency St Tiddywinkles rescue brigade!
BREAKING NEWS: SNOWBALL THE HEDGEHOG SLIMS DOWN
December 12, 2009
The Daily Mail is not exactly England’s most reputable of newspapers, which is kind of like saying West Baltimore at night is not a great promenade like the alleys of D.C. But sometimes, they redeem themselves from the cruel taunts of “The Daily Fail” and “that rag” and publish truly great articles, like this: Snowball the overweight hedgehog is running and swimming his way back to health!
Yes, hedgehogs are a vital part of the U.K. This one has been shipped to St Tiggywinkles for a strict regime of…cat food and swimming. God. Children can’t find Africa on a map but readers of the Daily Fail can diet small rodents. Thanks, mainstream tabloids. I owe you…never mind. Your lunch money. Now.
In a rare instance of fact checking, St Tiggywinkles in actually a real place, full of 1299 Adorable Sad Animals. The current plea is to help them cover the costs of wintering a hedgehog; this is a pricey 111.50 sterling and you have to deal with PayPal’s knowing winks at your receipt for “St Tiggywinkles”. You can learn how to make your own hedgehog home! “Help tiny creatures!” This is the best place on earth. Seriously I just melted into a puddle of goo. Moral of the story? Britain is a place of wonders!
ISO: Zeitgeist
December 3, 2009
Apparently the surfeit of blogs and the congruent shortened attention span of most folks has contributed to the death of the mainstream media, mainly because an industry built on the advertising dollars of Macy’s fine-print coupons and Mattress Sales for every holiday [ed. note: based solely upon observations of the Washington Post during childhood] was bound to have some issues in the brave new world of the internet, where we can merely be shocked, awed and pawned by hundreds of SINGLE MOM TEETH WHITENING and ONE TINY OLD RULE: CHOP OFF A LIMB TO LOOSE WEIGHT ads while reading AP briefs.
Exhibit A.
Ahem, WashPost? They died so that we might enjoy the freedom of downy comfort?
Across the pond, the Telegraph offered up this recent breaking news:
I know, they’re legit surveys primped up into pablum for the plebians. Who, apparently, deeply care about…
Crisps, porn, swish cars, photographic disasters and…Climategate: Font Fail edition. Great. Thanks, guys.
Lest you think I’m just being persnickety without cause, I present the evidence that pushed me to this rant, the damning screen shot of a newspaper that actually offers a substantial number of headlines on current, crucial events, without relying on the market power of discount bedding; this newspaper, known for its crafted portraits of columnists and of threats to the American Capitalist Way, tried to woo me into its pages with this:
I…I expected better of you, WSJ. Front page news? Does anyone click this out of desire? Or is it solely out of pity?
Okay. Okay, breathing. I just want headlines and cogent background evidence. I don’t ever, ever want to think about John Travolta’s heaving, sweaty carcass.
Ever.
Scientific names
November 20, 2009
Okay, palaeontologists, what have you got?
The largest is the ‘BoarCroc’, which measured 20ft in length and used its snout and three sets of dagger-shaped fangs, like boar tusks, to slice its prey.
Equally as large were the remains of a creature with spiked teeth inside a long, flat head which alone measured three feet in length, dubbed PancakeCroc.
Also noted:
The new species are still dwarfed by the SuperCroc, which measured 40 ft in length and weighed 8 tons, making it more than twice the size of the largest modern crocodiles.
Okay, awesome. Imagine how fun this trick would be if we could just name sites: the villa of SUPERCROC or House Shaped Like Pie. HousePie phase 1!
Unless you enjoy sewage and slavery…
October 30, 2009
…don’t ask about my studies. Actually it’s FASCINATING and Aelian reports that there was an octopus known to have snuck into the sewers, which would pluck salted fish from an unsuspecting merchant’s house under cover of darkness.
Given how absolutely horrific the idea of Roman sewers is, an octopus is actually pretty charming.
Only the news fit to print
On a happier note, it appears all is right with the world. (This is a real, authentic screengrab from the NYTimes at some point this week. Third week of Michaelmas term. Dates don’t matter, unless there are emperors attached to them and sadly rubber band ball dude is lacking in the imperium.)
So, true story, I ended up across the globe again. I meant to tidy this up in the intervening months- maybe throw in some more homemade jetlag, bandy about words from that ol’ country called America.
But then I hit my thesis, or, more approximately, I was a frozen creampuff shivering in the tracks of an oncoming freight train laden with C-4 material.
You know. The usual difficulties of graduation and all that.
Anyway, a year later, I’m officially an M St. student at Oxford University, St Cross College, should it matter. There is a great deal of tea. Also brownies (?!). And marshmallows because the world has gone mad. Totally mad.
Educational:
A spot of education.
Forsooth.
En garde
Oh, world of wellies and flapjacks and tea and biscuits, by default. Everything seems normal. You know.
Because aliens invented the internet?
Just like this.
Best seat in town.
Oh, England. I don’t even have to lie back and think about you. You’re just so…British.
…or, whatever that is. Culture: because Ramen Noodles are a universal Bad Idea!
